Treasures magazine is a baby magazine with articles about babies sleeping, crapping, useless parental guidance and more crapping. Makes for appropriate reading in the toilet.
In any case, I came across an article titled "Fly on the Wall - what men talk about in coffee groups".
This might have been an interesting article. After all, I used to meet my mate Dave the builder with our little ones while we were on parental leave. Aside from the concerned looks we got from the anxious mothers when our kids were poking themselves in the eye with their fluffy spoons, it was all good.
But alas, the article is shite. Here are a couple of examples of the purported dialogue:
Dale: "Sorry I'm late. Had to go to a job in Karori on the way. Beers still cold though.
Matt: Sweet. No worries at all. You know, Dale, I've often wanted to get myself a beer but I worry how it might look to be drinking in a bar while looking after kids. You go right ahead, though".
For f*cks sake. Where do I start? A list of what is wrong with this exchange maybe:
(1) No man would ever drink with someone called Dale who just did a job in Karori.
(2) These blokes would not be in a pub, they would be in a cafe sucking down the strongest triple shot coffee they could find - they are looking after kids and need to stay awake.
(3) This has to have been written by a women. I have never in my life heard any of my mates be as passive aggressive about drinking a beer as this Matt character.
(4) Men don't worry about "how it might look". Why do you think we look so scruffy all our lives?
Here is how the conversation is more likely to go:
Dale: "Double shot flat white?"
Matt: "Yep"
Dale: "Getting any sleep?"
Matt: "Nope"
