Day 0.03 - the private dump

In my view, one of the most important things to check out on your first day at a new job is the toilets. Its crucial. You don't know these people. Its therefore vital that the toilets are conducive to a decent level of privacy.

Nobody likes to to talk about it, but the last thing you want to do is listen to your workmate's toilet sounds. Plop, plop, quickly followed by unsettling machine gun fire. Then comes excruciating wiping sounds. If hell is other people, pure hell is other people taking an audible dump in the cubicle next to you.

In my old job, I used to sneak down to the ground floor disabled toilet to guarantee a serene bowel movement. I don't have any qualms about occupying a disabled space. To be sure, disabled people are entitled to a little extra space to swivel their wheelchairs, but they shouldn't have the monopoly on a secluded poo.

At the Commission of Commission, I have encountered near lavatory utopia. To even get to to the dunny, one must swipe through two security doors - its the Fort Knox of toilets. Even better, when you get there it is a fully enclosed room with only one toilet. Absolute bliss. I will never leave this job - they have got me for life. I call it "commode capture".  

 

For completeness sake, I googled "how much of your life do you spend on the toilet?" One Wiki answer said: "about one 2-5 years but women take longer on the toilet so it depends and that is just for the average person as well ... imagine a fatty". I'd rather not.